I am a 56 yr old black male who is having a problem with my erections.

Initially the cause was due to a mid-back injury. 3 herniated discs (non operable) that would cause muscle spasms that would end lovemaking with my wife. In September of last year I was diagnosed with diabetes. My doctor and diabetic nurse say that both can impact my ability to have or maintain an erection. When I am able to complete the act my ejaculation is nowhere near normal.

Is there anything that you can advise/suggest that my doctor and nurse have missed? The doctor just prescribed Viagra and it has not worked. I find it very depressing and I know that it is effecting my wife also because it bothers her that I cannot complete the act. She knows it is not her fault; I let her know that after 36 years of marriage I am still very much sexually attracted too her.

Thank you.

First of all, let me say that this must be a very frustrating situation for both you and your wife. It seems that first of all, you and your wife may need to revamp some of your ideas about sex. While it is frustrating that you are not able to ejaculate, that doesn't have to have such an impact of your wife's ideas about sex with you. Perhaps looking into some alternative sexual methods may make you feel closer to one another. My suggestion might be tantric sex, where emphasis is not placed on ejaculation, but being sexually present and satisfied with your partner. You do not have to let medical issues end your sexual relationship, but both you and your wife must be willing to explore new methods of arousal and satisfaction. Communication is essential as a first step. Good luck!

My wife is pregnant and has no interest at all in sex or sexual acts what so ever. My question to you would be, what if any is your advice to arouse pregnant woman, I have tried a lot but nothing seems to work.

Thanks for any advice!

I'm sorry to tell you, if your wife is pregnant that's a perfectly understandable and legitimate reason to have zero interest in sex for awhile. You're just going to have to be understanding and patient - and maybe take matters into your own hands in the meantime!

I've been married for 28 years. My wife and I have sex 2-3 times per week. She has 1-2 orgasms each time we make love.

Sounds perfect, right?

I'm in a never ending search for the "g" spot. Does it really exist?

Wow - how wonderful that you guys are enjoying such an active sex life after 28 years! Yes, that sounds pretty perfect!

But ah, the elusive g-spot. I personally have not found mine, but many women will attest to it's existence. The most common and successful method I know of to find it is to start by having her lie down on her stomach.

Slide 1 or 2 fingers inside her, palm down (lubricant if necessary!) and crook your fingers down towards her navel in a "come hither" motion, about 2 to 3 inches up along her vaginal wall. Stroke gently or have her rotate her pelvis until you find a small section that feels a bit different - some say it feels like an almond under the skin, some say the skin feels different.

Most women say they feel a need to urinate when the gspot is stimulated, so that's one way to tell! If at first you don't succeed, try try again! It's not an easy task. There are also many toys out there designed to help find and stimulate. Check these out.

Is there anyway to make a penis bigger and longer if the penis isn't circumcises yet?

Does the skin cause a problem with becoming fully erect?

Also, every time I have sex with my wife, I don't last long, I orgasm before my wife. I've tried condoms, delay cream, and masturbating before having sex. It's not working.

Is there anyway to hold orgasm a little bit longer ?

Having your foreskin still has nothing to do with the length and size of your penis. If anything, the foreskin increases sensation. This helps the penis get as long as thick and as hard as possible. Removal of your foreskin would not have any benefit at all in regards to the size of your penis.

There are a few things that you can try to help you wait to cum. My first suggestion would be to slow your breathing while you are having sex. If you can slow your rhythm down, it can help delay orgasm. Instead of shallow and fast breaths, breath deeply and slowly. You can also practice holding off cumming by taking your time masturbating. Slowly get yourself as hard as you can. Take your time working yourself into a complete erection. Do not ejaculate. Let the erection go down a bit. Start over again. See how long you can keep yourself hard and aroused without ejaculating. Finally, let yourself ejaculate. This will help extend how long it takes for you to cum.

Finally, you can also arouse your girlfriend until she is just about to cum, either with you mouth or hands, and then have sex with her. Or let her cum first and then you can try to make her cum again with your penis.

My wife is only 44 years old and has no feelings or desire for sex what so ever. She has been to her gyno who told to just accept it and that it's normal as we age to lose our sex drive.

I say HOGWASH! Is there anything she can take to try and bring it back? She has a little high blood pressure she takes medication for so it would have to be something that wouldn't interfere with her blood pressure. Any suggestions?

It is entirely possible for you and your wife to carry on a sexual relationship for the rest of your lives. I have a few suggestions for you. My first would be that together you try to explore some new methods of love making to make it more arousing for both of you. Sometimes a little variety is all it takes. Measures taken don't have to be drastic. Play with some of her fantasies. Make her feel comfortable and beautiful. If you want to pursue medical options, some doctors are now prescribing Viagra for women. Because your wife has high blood pressure, i would suggest working closely with a doctor who is understanding of all of her issues. I would not go back to the gyno who suggested that her lack of sex drive was normal and natural. That thinking and resignation is not helpful for a healthy and natural sex life into your later years. Viagra will increase the sensitivity of the clitoris and make arousal easier. It is still considered experimental for women, but you may find it is what does the trick.

More from the BBC.

Tips for increasing desire

• Relax. This is the most important thing you can do. Have a bath, use deep-breathing techniques or buy a relaxation tape.
• Check your environment. Be sure there are no distractions to you becoming aroused and that the atmosphere suits your mood.
• Exercise your pelvic floor. This will increase the blood flow to your genital area and make you more conscious of any sensations of physical arousal.
• Try using fantasy. Get yourself in the mood by slipping into a favourite fantasy.
• Enjoy being sensual before you're sexual. Take your time and allow your body focus on the pleasurable sensations of touch.
• Change your view. Get sex into the forefront of your mind by reading or watching something more raunchy than you'd normally choose.
• Focus on positives. If there's something about your partner or yourself you don't like, don't think about it. Force yourself to look at and think about the positives, instead.
• Stimulate your sympathetic nervous system. Exercise, watch a scary movie, go on a roller coaster - anything that will speed up your heart rate. Research suggests that 15 to 30 minutes later your body is more sexually responsive.

I have a problem.

I used to be married but I got divorced. I am currently living with someone else but for the last 2 years since my divorce I am still going to my x wife's house at night and we have sex. Better then ever.

I know I still love her and that she loves me. The only thing is the last couple of days she is turning me down and saying to me: "No don't come today; I will call you" and stuff. I tell her on a daily basis: "Let's try it, let's see each other like this for some time and if it goes fine I will leave my current girl friend and come back to where I wanna be".

The question is what can I do to show her that I wanna try to do just that?? Because for her it is like I just wanna come over have sex, cum and leave, and for me it isn't like that. The last time I walked in and she said take of you clothes. She took of her p.j.'s, she was naked there and she said come do what you gotta do, fuck me and leave. I did have sex with her because at my house with my current girl friend I'm not having sex because of the mixed feelings and wanting my ex wife so yes. I penetrated her and yes I fucked her but it was just in out in out cum cum and that's it.

When she said to me take of your clothes for me it was like wawww she wants to see me naked and she wants to play with me and suck my cock and stuff but noooo just in out in out no kisses no nothing she did not even want me to lick and suck her pussy + titties.

What should I do?

Whether you and your wife get back together or not there's something you need to take care of immediately: STOP CHEATING ON YOUR GIRLFRIEND. If you want to be with your ex-wife, then why are you still living with someone else? It is unfair to your girlfriend to have you running around to have sex with your ex-wife like this, ok?

First things first: Confess to your girlfriend and end that relationship. If you want to stay with your girlfriend, then you MUST stop seeing your ex-wife.

As for your ex-wife: There's a reason she's your ex-wife and I'd be willing to bet that you aren't the only man she's having sex with. Let's pretend, for a moment, that maybe she does want to be with you again - the fact that you live with someone else is a bit of a problem, isn't it? If your ex-wife wants proof that you want to try, then be a man and step up and leave your current girlfriend.

In any case, I feel sorry for your current girlfriend - seeing how you're treating her, I can't blame your ex-wife for saying what she does. You need to do the right thing here and stop lying to everyone involved and get yourself out of this mess.

My wife and I enjoy oral sex very much. My question is: How do I prepare myself for ejaculation when my wife is orally pleasing me? I sometimes have the urge to ejaculate, but I cannot come in her mouth.

Help.

It is not unusual for men to have difficulty ejaculating during oral sex. My suggestion would be to have her give you head until you feel like you are close to coming. Then either have her give you a hand job until you come or you can take over and masturbate into her mouth. It takes a little practice, but is well worth the extra effort.

How do I convince my wife to agree to anal sex?

My advice would be to ask her. Tell her that you think that it is really hot and you will make sure that you don’t hurt her. Make sure that she is completely relaxed. Maybe have a couple glasses of wine. If she is not relaxed it will hurt her. Make sure that you prepare her by inserting a finger or two into her anus. Use lubrication, it helps. You can use something like KY Jelly or lotion. Very slowly put your penis into your anus and tell her that if at any time she feels too uncomfortable that you will stop.

As a side note, do not pull your penis all the way out and then reinsert it fully again. This is a little painful. Good luck.

Update: From Askmen.com

Because anal sex feels good

Women love anal sex because it can feel absolutely incredible. It's different in sensation and it doesn’t feel like anything else she may have felt before -- it's deep inside, it's not her clitoris and is not in her vagina, but feels strangely like both in a sort of mixed-up combination in another part of her body. The rectum, once it’s ready, literally swallows the penis up and can’t get enough. The back passage transforms itself into a sexual playground. If the clitoris and/or vagina are stimulated while you are inside of her, it can take her to another sexual realm. Anal orgasms are possible.

Dear Nancy,

I find myself in a rut. When making love to my wife, I get off and don't fell horny at all. It's good sex, then nothing. I need to get back into the swing of things. What do you suggest?

This is something more and more men are experiencing. First question is: How old are you?

The following suggestion is just a hunch (after all, I'm not a medical doctor!)

Men around 40 and above see a gradual shift in sexual behavior, as hormone production settles and the responsibilities and essentials of every-day living become prioritized. Although patterns differ drastically, many men see a tapering off in their sexual activity. Once they reach 40, it's natural for men to experience physical changes as metabolism slows and the body manufactures a lesser amount of testosterone. These obvious changes range from weight gain, hair loss, less physical endurance, longer recovery from injuries, and a waning interest in sex.

Men between the ages of 40 and 55, go through dramatic chemical and physiological changes that affect everything from a man's view on life, feelings of irritability and depression, to low libido resulting in a reduced interest in sex and in more extreme cases, an inability to attain and maintain an erection. Dramatic physical and emotional changes can be triggered by significant irregularities in hormone levels. Because of the similarities to the female traits, these symptoms combined are sometimes identified as “male menopause”; it is more commonly referred to in Europe as viropause or andropause.

Testosterone deficiency is usually misdiagnosed as general depression. My advice: see a doctor and have your testosterone levels checked. Once you find out if this could be the problem, speak with your medical doctor about the next steps.

My wife tells me that I'm big enough and that I hurt good. Am I too big, should I take it easy? I am happy married for twenty years and with in these years we have six children and great moments of love and sex. I was wondering are there other things that I can do, techniques or skills we may use on each other. Life and Love is wonderful but can I do more want to keep it going. Right now I'm in the Army, separated from family for a year and missing my wife's body. So when I get home don't want to hurt her. Send me other techniques on pleasing her.

Thank you.

You can tell whether or not you are hurting your wife by looking at her face while you are having sex. If she looks like she is in pain, she probably is. Some positions hurt your partner more than others if you have a large penis. The most painful will be her on top. The least painful will be with you from behind (doggy style). Missionary should be alright, but you need to ask her and pay attention to her body and its reactions. You can also try entering her from behind with her on her side. If you do decide to have intercourse from behind make sure that her clit is stimulated. You can either do this with your hands or tell her you think its sexy if she does it herself. Then you have the pleasure of satisfying her, but also watching her satisfy herself.

If you want to impress your wife with new techniques, my suggestion would be to focus as much attention as you can on her body, particularly her nipples and her clitoris. Really impress her by how turned on you are by her body. I guarantee she'll be pleased.