Nancy-Ann advice on sex, love and erotic enhancements

22Aug/090

Elusive G-Spot

I've been married for 28 years. My wife and I have sex 2-3 times per week. She has 1-2 orgasms each time we make love.

Sounds perfect, right?

I'm in a never ending search for the "g" spot. Does it really exist?

Wow - how wonderful that you guys are enjoying such an active sex life after 28 years! Yes, that sounds pretty perfect!

g-spotBut ah, the elusive g-spot. I personally have not found mine, but many women will attest to it's existence. The most common and successful method I know of to find it is to start by having her lie down on her stomach.

Slide 1 or 2 fingers inside her, palm down (lubricant if necessary!) and crook your fingers down towards her navel in a "come hither" motion, about 2 to 3 inches up along her vaginal wall. Stroke gently or have her rotate her pelvis until you find a small section that feels a bit different - some say it feels like an almond under the skin, some say the skin feels different.

Most women say they feel a need to urinate when the gspot is stimulated, so that's one way to tell! If at first you don't succeed, try try again! It's not an easy task. There are also many toys out there designed to help find and stimulate. Check these out.

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14Aug/090

Losing Sex Drive

My wife is only 44 years old and has no feelings or desire for sex what so ever. She has been to her gyno who told to just accept it and that it's normal as we age to lose our sex drive.

I say HOGWASH! Is there anything she can take to try and bring it back? She has a little high blood pressure she takes medication for so it would have to be something that wouldn't interfere with her blood pressure. Any suggestions?

It is entirely possible for you and your wife to carry on a sexual relationship for the rest of your lives. I have a few suggestions for you. My first would be that together you try to explore some new methods of love making to make it more arousing for both of you. Sometimes a little variety is all it takes. Measures taken don't have to be drastic. Play with some of her fantasies. Make her feel comfortable and beautiful. If you want to pursue medical options, some doctors are now prescribing Viagra for women. Because your wife has high blood pressure, i would suggest working closely with a doctor who is understanding of all of her issues. I would not go back to the gyno who suggested that her lack of sex drive was normal and natural. That thinking and resignation is not helpful for a healthy and natural sex life into your later years. Viagra will increase the sensitivity of the clitoris and make arousal easier. It is still considered experimental for women, but you may find it is what does the trick.

More from the BBC.

Tips for increasing desire

  • Relax. This is the most important thing you can do. Have a bath, use deep-breathing techniques or buy a relaxation tape.
  • Check your environment. Be sure there are no distractions to you becoming aroused and that the atmosphere suits your mood.
  • Exercise your pelvic floor. This will increase the blood flow to your genital area and make you more conscious of any sensations of physical arousal.
  • Try using fantasy. Get yourself in the mood by slipping into a favourite fantasy.
  • Enjoy being sensual before you're sexual. Take your time and allow your body focus on the pleasurable sensations of touch.
  • Change your view. Get sex into the forefront of your mind by reading or watching something more raunchy than you'd normally choose.
  • Focus on positives. If there's something about your partner or yourself you don't like, don't think about it. Force yourself to look at and think about the positives, instead.
  • Stimulate your sympathetic nervous system. Exercise, watch a scary movie, go on a roller coaster - anything that will speed up your heart rate. Research suggests that 15 to 30 minutes later your body is more sexually responsive.

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27Jul/090

Desensitized?

Sensagen

Sensagen’s™ Proprietary Female Impulse Support Blend (FISB) is an assortment of high-end extracts that when combined offer women heightened and sustained sexual pleasure.

My girlfriend has recently enjoyed the use of sex toys, but it has not been positive in our sex life together. Now she cannot have an orgasm with me alone, as she once did several times during sex. It makes me feel like I am not doing my job anymore. Any advice?

Sex toys are great and can often be really important in having a healthy sexual relationship. In your case, it seems like sex toys are causing a bit of a problem. First off, I would suggest that you talk to your girlfriend about your concern that you are being replaced by toys. Sometimes what can help keep her sensitized is if she alternates using sex toys while she masturbates with using her hands. Help her get off without using sex toys. Stimulate her clit a bit more during foreplay. Give foreplay more time and really focus on making sure that she is close to orgasm before you actually have sex.
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21Jul/090

Rough and Ready

Nancy-Ann,

I have been shaving my testicles and shaft since I was 18. I am 29 now. I have been married for 2 years and my shave job hurts my wife when we have sex. It is hampering our sex life. I must shave every day to keep it smooth for her and even then it will irritate her if we go for any length of time. I have started electrolysis but it is very expensive and time consuming. Any thoughts or ideas for us to try? Something to maybe strengthen her skin down there or eliminate my hair? We are desperate and willing to try anything.

- Ready and Rough

R&R,

First off, there is nothing available to “strengthen her skin down there.” Have you ever asked if she wants you completely shaved every day? Or is this strictly what YOU want?

Note to all gentlemen concerned about genital “manscaping”: Please read my entire post for the pros and cons of various hair removal options. But first, hear me out:

You are men. Men have hair ... on their face and neck, chest, stomach, inside their nostrils, on their ass, balls and shaft. All women who love men accept this and have no problem with it. My simple advice: Why not just keep ALL your body hair (not just pubic) neatly trimmed (and clean!) for your main squeeze. Trust me, we’re fine with a youthful-looking genital grooming.

That said, the rest of what follows is for the stubborn who are constantly looking for ways to rid themselves of hair on and around their “area.”

Truth is, if you insist on using a razor on your pubic hair, it is, without a doubt, going to get itchy within 24 hours. And since it's a blade, well, you can do the math when something that sharp comes that close to your most prized possession.

What follows is a list of alternatives to shaving. You don't need to razor away your pubic hair on a daily basis. The following are some other methods to lose that unruly bush.

Waxing
I'm certain you've heard the horror stories associated with ripping the hair out of your body from the root. I'm here to tell you that it really is as painful as "they" say. Of course, there are good and bad things about this particular method of hair removal:

Pros:

  • The pubic hair won't grow back for four to six weeks (even longer if you use a hair inhibitor afterwards).
  • Hair grows back softer.
  • It's relatively cheap.

Cons:

  • The male genital area is so sensitive that chances are you'll crying like a bitch.
  • It may result in ingrown hairs.
  • You can't wax your testicles (you really can’t, but feel free to try plucking!).
  • You have to wait for the hair to grow back at least ½ an inch before you can remove it again.

Laser
Laser hair removal by far surpasses all other methods of hair removal. What it involves is the use of a laser that zaps hair away.

Pros:

  • Causes minor discomfort and only for a short while (a few hours) after procedure.
  • Leads to permanent hair removal.
  • It's quick.

Cons:

  • It works best on dark-haired, light-skinned individuals.
  • It's expensive.
  • It requires additional treatment for dormant hair.
  • You can't expose the area to sun for weeks (for you nudists out there).

Keep in Mind
No matter what method of hair removal you opt for, make sure, first and foremost, that if you're going to remove the pubic hair, it goes in accordance with the rest of your body. If you're a hairy beast from the face down and suddenly your penis and his buddies are completely bare, you'll look somewhat odd when you're naked... to say the least.

As well, if you're going to have someone else handle your private area, make sure they have the adequate credentials to do so. After all, the family jewels must remain intact at all times.

Depilatories
If you've ever seen the (long-ago) "we wear short shorts" commercial, then you know what a depilatory cream is. It's a lotion that you place over the hair for a few minutes, and then, when you wash it off -- POOF! -- the hair is gone.

Pros:

  • It's incredibly cheap.
  • It doesn't take much time.
  • You can do it at home.
  • It exfoliates the skin simultaneously.

Cons:

  • It's not recommended for sensitive areas RE: Your twig and berries!
  • It sometimes has an unpleasant scent.
  • It may cause acne or rashes in the area (always test on a small area of your body before use).

Electrolysis
Like the name sounds, this method of hair removal involves little shocks of electricity that eventually annihilate hair for good. What it does is cause the hair to grow back thinner and weaker each time until it eventually dies.

Pros:

  • Considering the pubic hair area is incredibly sensitive, some electrologists provide Lidocaine to numb the area first so you won't feel a thing.
  • It's relatively safe.
  • It's permanent

Cons:

  • If you've already tried other methods, your hair might be more stubborn and harder to annihilate.
  • It's expensive.
  • It's time consuming (each hair is treated individually).
  • It causes post-procedure discomfort.

Trimming
Trimming involves the purchase of a sideburn trimmer (available at all department and drugstores). It never really annihilates the hair, but rather trims it down so that it looks neat and your woman can enjoy your “below-the-belt” buffet without having to venture through the jungle.

Pros:

  • It doesn't make you itchy like shaving.
  • You can do it from the comfort of your home at your leisure.

Cons:

  • It doesn't remove hair.
  • You will have to trim every couple of weeks.

Reader response:

My man does too but due to him cutting my insides all to rat shit, I have asked him to leave a small patch directly above his shaft. So far so good. I don't feel like i have been screwing razor blades. - CT

14Jul/090

After Baby

I am a 30 year old guy. My girlfriend of 3 years and I have a 7 month old son together. Before the baby we had a good sex life and now if we have sex once a month we just have it because we did not have sex. When I try to get things started it is "I am tired" or "I have a headache" or she just doesn't want to. What should I do about this? I love my girl very much and I just can't handle this for much longer.

I know it's difficult when it seems like the passion has left a relationship. As your relationship has changed with the arrival of a child, perhaps you try changing up some of your sex techniques. Find out what really turns your girlfriend on. Try some new things. Think about what really makes you hot and let her know. Routine can often make things dull ... remember that. You may try using some sex toys or porno. There is nothing wrong with stepping outside of your normal activities. Try to reconnect sexually by finding out exactly what your girlfriend wants from you and the give it to her.