Nancy-Ann advice on sex, love and erotic enhancements

The Porn Issue

My Girlfriend and I have been dating for a little over 4 years now and have had several disagreements about porn. She made an off-hand comment early on that made it seem like she had no problem with it. I kept my porn private for a long time just out of habit.

One day she found my stash and the aftermath was not pretty. She told me she considered porn “cheating” and was really hurt. She is a very pretty girl but I believe she has low self-esteem. Whenever the topic comes up, she asks a whole list of questions and I have a really difficult time explaining it. In my male brain, it just seems natural to enjoy porn from time to time.

Please help me explain myself. What can I say to her that will make her more accepting and maybe even enjoy some porn WITH me?

Tim

Dear Tim,

Simply put: Women do not understand the need for porn. Period. Some accept it, but many want to believe they are the center of their partner’s sexual universe, and porn is competition for their man’s attention and lust. We are not wired to be aroused visually. I suspect her not to ever see it your way. She most likely cannot imagine sitting at her computer or lounging on the couch watching strangers sucking and fucking.

Your porn collection could be making her feel that she is not perfect enough for you sexually. Adult starlets can seem threatening, mainly because of how unrealistic and enhanced they are. Girls are getting their pussies surgically reshaped, never mind the standard breast implants, shaving, lingerie, ad infinitum to keep up! Those slutty Barbie’s just kind of piss us off in general.

Looking at porn from time to time is completely normal for a man. Keep your stash better hidden.

Taking into account what I just said, you might try presenting it along this vein. That you have no emotional attachment to the women. Explain that – while viewing -- she always pops into your mind and you re-live some of your best moments together. She is the center of your erotic universe, and perhaps you both could watch together and see if there are new ways to pleasure each other that you have not tried. Be prepared, she may just gross out, or laugh at the hokey acting or close-ups of genitals in motion. There are a number of adult Websites geared for women and couples http://www.forthegirls.com is just one example). I would start there and not show her anything too kinky or deliberately demeaning.

Hope this helps.

N-A