Touchy, Tickley Situation
Dear Nancy:
My girlfriend has a very sensitive clit and it is so hard giving her oral sex. She says it hurts sometimes or it tickles too much. Can you give me any advice on what I need to do? Oral sex is one of my favorite things and its not working out.
E.S. - Via Internet
This is a "touchy" situation! Hmmm. The best way to approach her is to be verbally open, first and foremost, letting her know how important it is to please her orally. Then ... first step: warm her up with a bunch of foreplay. Next step: Let her touch herself while your mug is down in the area to be sucked. Let her allow herself to get excited and "loose" ... talk it out. This can be very sexy! Then let her guide first your fingers, then mouth and tongue, gently (tell her to keep an open dialogue the whole while).
With this type of approach, you hope that she becomes comfortable. If you're both patient enough, it will happen and the rewards will be unforgettable!
Last note: Do you have a beard or mustache? Chin spinach can be abrasive and uncomfortable. Even a light but coarse five-o'clock shadow can make for a tickle.
Hope this helps.
N-A
Blow Jobs and Anal Sex
How can I get my wife to give me head & have anal sex?
OOOH!! There's a loaded question.
Let's start with the basics - have you ever asked her? (Have you asked her in a nice, loving and non whiny or demanding way?) Do you return the favor? (I just finished writing out again that I believe oral sex should be a two-way street. Don't expect someone to do for you what you won't do for them.)
Let's start with the easy one - how do you get her to blow you...
Before I go any further, I must tell you that it is VERY VERY IMPORTANT that you never nag, get demanding, manipulative, angry or wear her down asking every day. Always be patient, and that to do these things for you would put her in a wonderful position of having you turn to putty in your hands. I'm amazed at how many men whine and wheedle, "C'mon, blow me," instead of something simple and nice like, '"Having your mouth on me would turn me into complete putty." Or something.
With that said, has she ever tried? Does she flat out refuse or does she try but have a difficult time of it? DO NOT make her feel pressured. Ask her one night, nicely, to please try or try again. If she says no, ASK HER to please think about it, and try when she feels ready. That will make her feel like she has some control over it, that she's not being pressured and will most likely catch her in a mood where she feels like doing something for you.
There are 3 reasons women don't want to give blow-jobs: they're afraid they'll be no good at it, they have a bad gag reflex, or they think it's "gross." The gag reflex can be dealt with - tell her to start out slow, don't worry about taking the whole enchilada into her mouth at once. Do what she can, comfortably - trust me, you can build up a strong gag reflex with practice.
If she thinks it's gross... seduce the hell out of her and go on about how sexy all her 2000 parts are and try to slowly change her view of "gross" to "hot as hell."
If all that works, no matter how it turns out, GO ON AND ON AND ON, afterward about how amazing it was to have her do that to you, and how appreciative you are and something like "YOWSA!! That felt good." Do not immediately mention her doing it again. The key is to make her feel like she's in a position of power and that she was damn hot in that position.
The same stuff goes for your second request. Except it's probably going to be waaaaaaay harder to talk her into that one. I've found that women typically go in one of two directions with the anal sex thing. Love it or hate it. Minds can be changed, women can be convinced, but this is one you may have to resign yourself to never being allowed to do. At the very least, we can see if she'll at least TRY it once, right? And tell her that - just try it twice and if it's absolutely horrible and she just can't get her mind around it, you won't ask again. (I say twice because that first nervous experimental time isn't a good gauge for either of you.)
Now - women don't want to do THIS one for many reasons: it's "gross", it's too taboo & kinky and they're not supposed to want to do that, it's uncomfortable or painful or they're afraid it will be, or just plain old-fashioned embarrassment. Same as before - don't beg, threaten, demand. Ask nicely, make her feel sexy yadda yadda yadda. Everything I said previously but EVEN MORE SO. Tell her if she'll just TRY it, you'll go at a pace that's comfortable for her, you'll stop if she needs you to, that it will make you the happiest man on the planet (the point is it should make her feel hot & sexy not shy or uncomfortable). Don't make TOO big a fuss of it if she agrees, or it becomes awkward, but do plan ahead. I've already written too much to go into technique here - your question is how to get her to do it, not how to do it, eh? Ask me that after she agrees. But DO offer to let her get a feel for it first with either toys or the good-old fingers. And I'm going to tell you to have a few drinks first.
Seriously. No, I mean SERIOUSLY. Not so many that you're both wasted, but enough that you have a good buzz. That will keep you both relaxed and up the likelihood that she'll enjoy it. Most women seem to hate it after trying it because they say it hurt - because they weren't relaxed enough. So that, of course, makes it less likely she'll do it again.
Good luck, and if she says yes, ask me all about the technique!
No Morning O's
Why is it that most of the times we have sex in the morning I very rarely have an orgasm, but any other time of day it's usually not a problem?
The reason that it is sometimes difficult for women to achieve orgasms in the a.m. is that our hormone levels are the lowest in the morning and the highest at night. It is, however, the opposite for men. My suggestion would be that you try some extended and slow foreplay. The morning might be the time for you to bring out the sex toys. Try having your partner perform oral sex. It's a great way to start your day, but you might have to put in a little bit of extra time.
First Orgasm
I received these two questions back to back about first orgasms.
I'm afraid when I actually do have my first orgasm I will pee on my boyfriend.
Is there any way to control your bladder without hindering an orgasm?
Also, what should I suggest for him to do to give me an orgasm so I don't disappoint him?Thanks!
My girlfriend and I have been together for three years, we love being intimate whenever we get together, which isn’t very often. So far we've only had oral sex and she claims to love it, unfortunately to my undying shame I haven't been able to make her cum. I'd give anything to make her orgasm so my question was this: on my most recent oral expedition, she got really into it... I thought she was going to orgasm but she eventually calmed down and told me she wasn't sure if she wanted to keep going. She told me later she felt like she was going to pee, since she's never had an orgasm before, she wasn’t sure if that’s what it really was so I told her and showed her an article, that it is normal to experience this sensation. Fortunately I think that she's over that fear now just because she wants to have an orgasm, but our method is usually me licking her clit and fingering her, which leads me to my question: if she gets to that point again, should I keep fingering her or should I pull my finger, will it matter whether it delays her orgasm? I've noticed in some movies that the stars stop altogether when the girl is having an orgasm, do girls prefer this or does it vary? What should I do when she's getting ready to reach that almighty point?
Don't worry, it's very, very rare that an accident like that would happen during orgasm, though you may occasionally feel the sensation of having to pee right before! But if it's something you're concerned about, simply go to the bathroom before sex. As a side note, urinating before and after sex is highly recommended to avoid nasty little bladder infections.
As for how to have an orgasm - it concerned me a little that you're worried about having one so as not to disappoint him. Make sure that you focus on your own pleasure and satisfaction as well. Find out what you enjoy so that YOU are not disappointed.
That said, a little exploration will go a long way! Spend time touching yourself to discover what works for you. Hard, fast, soft, slow, here or there? Invest in some toys and then bring your boyfriend into the mix. Tell him what you found out you enjoy.
A good and considerate lover will be open to communication, and will be willing to work with you to find what gets you off. Very, very few women are able to reach orgasm from penetration/sex alone - it will probably require a combination of oral/manual stimulation. Most importantly, focus on finding what feels good and don't stress over the orgasm immediately. The more you think about it, the harder and less fun it will be!
Good luck, be safe, and have fun!
Can't Come
My wife and I enjoy oral sex very much. My question is: How do I prepare myself for ejaculation when my wife is orally pleasing me? I sometimes have the urge to ejaculate, but I cannot come in her mouth.
Help.
It is not unusual for men to have difficulty ejaculating during oral sex. My suggestion would be to have her give you head until you feel like you are close to coming. Then either have her give you a hand job until you come or you can take over and masturbate into her mouth. It takes a little practice, but is well worth the extra effort.
Bend Over Boyfriend
I have no doubt that I am straight, but lately I've been wanting my girlfriend to put on a strap on and fuck me.
How do I ask this? My ex-girlfriend introduced me to putting her fingers inside my anus during oral sex, and ever since I have been addicted to the feeling. Should I feel ashamed when I finger my anus when going down on a girl? When my wife gives me hand jobs she sometimes puts a small vibrator in my ass. I like this it makes me get off so hard. I often wonder what it would feel like to use a larger one, but I don't know how to ask her. I don't want her to get freaked out by just coming out and asking for a bigger one.
Do you have any good ideals on how I might ask her?
Thanks for any help!
Lucky you for having met someone who introduced you to something
new! You absolutely should NOT feel anything bad about what you enjoy. Many, many men enjoy the well-placed finger, whether their own or a partner's. Why not take it up a notch and position yourself in a way that lets your girlfriend have that access to you while you go down on her? Of course, doing it for yourself is just fine but feel free to clue any future partners in about what turns you on as well!
I wouldn't worry too much about freaking her out, as she's already ok with the idea of using toys on you. If you want to try something bigger, you have a few options. You could ask as she's using the small vibrator - it's quite sexy to tell someone how much you enjoy what they're doing to you, and then add, "What do you think about trying something bigger?" Or, surprise her - buy a toy you'd like to try and next time she reaches for the vibrator, have the new toy ready and ask, with a big smile, "Can we try this one?". OR - simply talk to her, talk about how much you enjoy what she does, that you're glad the two of you are comfortable enough together to explore different things, sexually. Ask if there's anything else she'd like to try which will probably lead to asking the same of you and then you can tell her. You never know - she may already be thinking the same thing! 
Pages
Categories
Tags
