Dear Nancy:

My girlfriend has a very sensitive clit and it is so hard giving her oral sex. She says it hurts sometimes or it tickles too much. Can you give me any advice on what I need to do? Oral sex is one of my favorite things and its not working out.

E.S. - Via Internet

This is a "touchy" situation! Hmmm. The best way to approach her is to be verbally open, first and foremost, letting her know how important it is to please her orally. Then ... first step: warm her up with a bunch of foreplay. Next step: Let her touch herself while your mug is down in the area to be sucked. Let her allow herself to get excited and "loose" ... talk it out. This can be very sexy! Then let her guide first your fingers, then mouth and tongue, gently (tell her to keep an open dialogue the whole while).

With this type of approach, you hope that she becomes comfortable. If you're both patient enough, it will happen and the rewards will be unforgettable!

Last note: Do you have a beard or mustache? Chin spinach can be abrasive and uncomfortable. Even a light but coarse five-o'clock shadow can make for a tickle.

Hope this helps.

N-A

The last time my lady and I got together we had great sex; before we fucked I licked her clit for a while. After we were finished, she told me she felt a little bit of fluid release. But I didn't experience anything noticeable. Since she has never had an orgasm I'm assuming she wouldn't really know what climaxing would feel like, let alone an orgasm that releases ejaculate. Also, I've never made a woman squirt before, but I wish I could. Do you have any improvement tips on cunnilingus or advice on technique to push her to have an orgasm?

Taylor L. - Los Angeles , CA

Statistics say that 75% of all women cannot have an orgasm through intercourse, but ... 95% of all woman can orgasm through oral sex. There are some women who are not sure if they have ever had an orgasm; some are afraid to have an orgasm. It is important for your partner to relax, know that she is safe, and that you won't judge her on how she reacts when she finally does have one. Some women will not allow themselves a chance to orgasm due to the fact they think they might not be able to control their bladder. Your partner may not have had an orgasm at all, but rather urinated a bit because she lost some control. Although this may seem gross, it is perfectly natural.

When you are being oral, be very patient. Do not rush things. Mix it up. Lick and tongue her vaginal lips and use your tongue like a little penis. Females tend to have two g-spots: the clitoris, and about three inches inside and up. Next time, try teasing her orally. Build it up some, licking and kissing her inner thighs, and possibly using a toy inside of her. Try making eye contact too. Erotic words can also increase one's pleasure tremendously. Most importantly, keep communication open before, during, and after any sexual act.

I'm afraid when I actually do have my first orgasm I will pee on my boyfriend.
Is there any way to control your bladder without hindering an orgasm?
Also, what should I suggest for him to do to give me an orgasm so I don't disappoint him?

Thanks!

My girlfriend and I have been together for three years, we love being intimate whenever we get together, which isn’t very often. So far we've only had oral sex and she claims to love it, unfortunately to my undying shame I haven't been able to make her cum. I'd give anything to make her orgasm so my question was this: on my most recent oral expedition, she got really into it... I thought she was going to orgasm but she eventually calmed down and told me she wasn't sure if she wanted to keep going. She told me later she felt like she was going to pee, since she's never had an orgasm before, she wasn’t sure if that’s what it really was so I told her and showed her an article, that it is normal to experience this sensation. Fortunately I think that she's over that fear now just because she wants to have an orgasm, but our method is usually me licking her clit and fingering her, which leads me to my question: if she gets to that point again, should I keep fingering her or should I pull my finger, will it matter whether it delays her orgasm? I've noticed in some movies that the stars stop altogether when the girl is having an orgasm, do girls prefer this or does it vary? What should I do when she's getting ready to reach that almighty point?

Don't worry, it's very, very rare that an accident like that would happen during orgasm, though you may occasionally feel the sensation of having to pee right before! But if it's something you're concerned about, simply go to the bathroom before sex. As a side note, urinating before and after sex is highly recommended to avoid nasty little bladder infections.

As for how to have an orgasm - it concerned me a little that you're worried about having one so as not to disappoint him. Make sure that you focus on your own pleasure and satisfaction as well. Find out what you enjoy so that YOU are not disappointed.

That said, a little exploration will go a long way! Spend time touching yourself to discover what works for you. Hard, fast, soft, slow, here or there? Invest in some toys and then bring your boyfriend into the mix. Tell him what you found out you enjoy.

A good and considerate lover will be open to communication, and will be willing to work with you to find what gets you off. Very, very few women are able to reach orgasm from penetration/sex alone - it will probably require a combination of oral/manual stimulation. Most importantly, focus on finding what feels good and don't stress over the orgasm immediately. The more you think about it, the harder and less fun it will be!

Good luck, be safe, and have fun!

My wife tells me that I'm big enough and that I hurt good. Am I too big, should I take it easy? I am happy married for twenty years and with in these years we have six children and great moments of love and sex. I was wondering are there other things that I can do, techniques or skills we may use on each other. Life and Love is wonderful but can I do more want to keep it going. Right now I'm in the Army, separated from family for a year and missing my wife's body. So when I get home don't want to hurt her. Send me other techniques on pleasing her.

Thank you.

You can tell whether or not you are hurting your wife by looking at her face while you are having sex. If she looks like she is in pain, she probably is. Some positions hurt your partner more than others if you have a large penis. The most painful will be her on top. The least painful will be with you from behind (doggy style). Missionary should be alright, but you need to ask her and pay attention to her body and its reactions. You can also try entering her from behind with her on her side. If you do decide to have intercourse from behind make sure that her clit is stimulated. You can either do this with your hands or tell her you think its sexy if she does it herself. Then you have the pleasure of satisfying her, but also watching her satisfy herself.

If you want to impress your wife with new techniques, my suggestion would be to focus as much attention as you can on her body, particularly her nipples and her clitoris. Really impress her by how turned on you are by her body. I guarantee she'll be pleased.

I recently purchased some anal toys and I'm having a hard time penetrating my girlfriend. I have made sure that we use plenty of lube but she can't relax her muscles. Can you recommend any exercises or positions? I don't want to hurt her.

At first anal penetration can be a bit uncomfortable. I have always said that a few drinks beforehand never hurt. Try inserting your lubed finger first. Keep your finger inside her until you can feel her relax around it. Depending on how big your toy is, you may want to try this with two fingers. I think that ass in the air is the best position for training. As soon as you slowly take your fingers out, begin to insert the toy. Also make sure that you are keeping her stimulated by rubbing her clit. It will help her relax and keep lubricated.

I just met a woman I like a lot, but she has difficulties reaching orgasm. She told me she had this issue before meeting me, but I thought I could "make" it happen. We’re both in our thirties and I never had a problem bringing any of my prior partners to climax.

Moreover, I have noticed she has a small clitoris. She’s come close from both oral sex and intercourse, but she has yet to reach orgasm. She mentioned the closest she’s gotten to having an orgasm is with me, especially during our first sexual encounter. Maybe it will eventually happen, but right now it seems she really doesn't have any confidence in her own success.

I do realize that her mindset has a lot to do with accomplishing our goal. She has had success with toys, but we really want to achieve this special moment when we’re both together.

Any suggestions?

R

Dear R,

Much of women reaching orgasm has to do with a female’s individual physiology. Regardless of your lady’s clit size, she still needs direct vaginal stimulus and clitoral friction to aid in reaching climax. And even with the proper stimulation, she still may not be able to push herself over the edge into bliss (in most cases, this is a psychological block).

Both of you should start by using her toys as a part of sex. Better to feel satisfied that she can reach orgasm with the help of sexual aides. By using these sexual accessories, this will allow her an adequate comfort level, as well as bestow you the confidence that her orgasms are possible with you present and “hands on.” Remember a genuine intimacy can be had by both when using sexual aids. This can (and should) lead you both to experiment with new sexual positions. Some women find it easier to reach orgasm when they’re on top; while she rides our pole, use your fingers to stimulate her clit. Additionally, when performing cunnilingus, open up her lips, find her magic button and alternately rub her clit and use our tongue and teeth to (gently!) nibble on her clit.

Additional resource:
http://www.seductioninsider.com/sex_tips/techniques_female_orgasm.shtml

Hope this helps.

N-A